Personal stories

“I felt very hopeless when I was going through my eating disorder, so when I think about what I would tell people who are going through it today, I realize that perhaps my message will not penetrate. That said, my advice to others who are going through life with an eating disorder right now is to know that it is possible to get better. It’s not easy, but you can do it. Start by asking yourself what is going on with you, right here, right this minute, and be truthful. And be aware that many, many people are surrounding you, ready to help. It takes a lot of energy to be sick, and you have given up a lot. If you can transfer just a little bit of that energy and take some positive steps, it will take you to the other side. You can recover.”

“The hardest thing for people with an eating disorder to realize is that they can be completely better. I can’t tell you how I know that to be true, but I can say that my recovery is an example. At the time you are entering therapy, it seems unattainable, but if you just do the daily steps of treatment, you will be getting closer to recovery. Don’t take on too much during your treatment. Keep it simple. Don’t think about the big picture. Take it one step at a time, one meal at a time. It was helpful to me to be told that I did not have to be thinking about what was going to happen down the road. I just had to focus on getting through lunch.”

“Today, my life is wonderful. My husband and I are trying to start a family, and I have fantastic friends and great relationships with my family. My eating disorder is not in my life at all. I know that if I purge, I will be right back in that cycle. I lost my high school years and my friendships with the eating disorder, but I also gained compassion and an ability to speak up for myself. I know that I want the life that I have, and that if I purge, I will fall back into that lonely, isolated, destructive world.

To the people who are going through an eating disorder right now, I would tell you that there is a wonderful world out there, full of color and rich experiences – and that you are missing out on that world because of the eating disorder. To the support person of someone with an eating disorder, I would advise not to badger or shame. It doesn’t work, and it turns your loved one toward the eating disorder instead of away from it.”

“I still have stressful experiences – involving relationships and dating, for instance – but I know now that I never want to go back to the eating disorder again. Today, I know that whatever path I take in life, it will work out. It may not be easy, but I have my optimism. Having been through this journey – and having survived – I can pretty much set my mind to doing whatever it is I want to do.

For every single person who has an eating disorder, what I wish for you is this: that you would know that recovery is truly possible. When you are sick with an eating disorder, it is so hard to understand that you can recover. Of course you have to be recovered to know that you can recover, but I still wish that I could give you that gift of knowing your own strength and determination. Believe in yourself, seriously. Seek support from people, sure, but learn how to find out who you are – because ultimately, the healing is all up to you.”

“Amy was given a ‘tool box’ during her treatment. Whether she opens it up and uses the tools is totally her choice. I am grateful that she has put her tools to work, which will, in turn, help others.

For the supporters of those individuals who have an eating disorder, the only advice that I would give is to take good care of you and unconditionally love the person who is struggling with the eating disorder. And never, ever give up hope.”

“During therapy, Nora worked hard to help herself understand the eating disorder and become a stronger person. Before she started working with a psychiatrist, I would say something hurtful to her about the eating disorder, and she’d just hang up on me. But with the help of assertiveness training, she was able to say, “Laura, don’t say those things. It makes me feel bad when you say that; it really hurts my feelings.” And I had no idea that I was hurting her feelings, so I changed, too. As she became more assertive, she gave voice to her feelings. She felt heard, and that was really empowering for her.

Once Nora started talking, I realized that I didn’t know her at all. Now I do. Once I listened, I was able to hear who she was as a person. If I had to give advice to the family members of someone who has an eating disorder, it would be to listen. Quiet yourself, and listen, and hear what your loved one is saying.

Changing her behavior was not easy for Nora; I think she would be the first to tell you that. She struggled with body image for a long time, and that did not change right away when she began her recovery period. She had made a choice to quit bingeing and purging, and as a result, her metabolism and body shape changed a lot. She had to get rid of all her old clothes. She was on the phone with me every other night, crying. It was difficult for her, but I was glad that I could be there for her and be someone that she could trust, someone she was not afraid to call and talk to for hours.

Our relationship has changed since Nora has entered into recovery. We have always been close, but we are even closer now – as a result of her being more assertive. She doesn’t put up with any crap from me ever anymore. I also tread much lighter with her sensitivity and I’m more cautious about the things I say. She keeps me humble and lets me know when I am being a jerk.

And we talk about everything now. With the eating disorder, Nora’s life was one big secret; no one could get close to her. But there are no secrets now. She is strong, she’s confident, and she doesn’t worry about what other people think anymore. She is an amazing woman. I am really proud of her.

Today, Nora has many friends, and they all want to do things with her. She is still shocked by the fact that people really like her. She is out in the world now, quite the contrast from when the eating disorder was in her life, wrapping a cocoon around her. She is happy.”

“I think overall that Teresa’s anorexia was the best thing that happened to our family –even though it was a very rough time. It seems ironic. We are all more open about our feelings and know that life is precious.

For other families going through an eating disorder, I would say the following: Be patient. Pray a lot and be there for your loved one. Try to find a support group. Read and gather as much information about eating disorders as you can.

As for Teresa, she has since graduated from college (which was a very special day), has more self-confidence, is forming new relationships, supports herself financially, has her sense of humor back and loves to try new restaurants! In my eyes, Teresa is the bravest person in the world for beating anorexia. I now have my happy, fun-loving and caring daughter back. I do believe that miracles can happen.”

“Having recovered from an eating disorder, Teresa now knows that she can overcome – and that if she sets her mind to it, she can do anything. As parents, I believe we have learned some things, too. We understand the value of patience. We realize that it’s OK to ask for help. We know that, above all, we have to be there for our children. We have to stick by them, even when it hurts. Every once in a while, we get a call from the parent of a child who has an eating disorder. Even though we don’t have any easy answers, we try to help as much as we can – just as all of our friends and family members helped us when Teresa was going through it. We are giving back now. It may be in just a small way, but it’s still a wonderful thing to be doing. It shows me that our family is healing.”

“For those who have a family member or friend with an eating disorder, I would advise you not to think about what is driving your loved one to follow a path of apparent destruction. Instead, concentrate on finding yourself and your own identity. Don’t let the disease make you someone you are not. Muster all the support – not nagging and blaming – that you can for your family member or friend. Understand your role as best as possible and work on being there for your loved one when it is your time. Treat your loved one like the human being he or she was, before the whole journey began.”

“As a parent, I went through all the emotions of guilt (“How could I not see this happening?”), denial (“This can’t be happening to us!”) and anger (“Why my child?”)! We found out later that these reactions were normal for parents of children with eating disorders, but we were so glad that we could have a treatment team on hand to support us. They helped us deal with all the emotions that accompanied this scary time.  The second thing I would remind parents to do is love unconditionally. Our son was in the middle of his senior year in high school. He trained hard the previous summer for that fall’s cross country season. Losing weight and running faster seemed logical to him at the time. He knew something was wrong, but would not confide in us that he had a problem. It was hard to not take that lack of trust personally. I still don't pretend to understand everything about why this happened to my son, but as a father, I know now that by not casting judgment on him – and by loving him all the more for what he was enduring – we were able to get through the tears (both his and mine!). Finally, remember that there is hope. Our son was admitted to an eating disorders treatment program exactly one year ago this week. He is currently in college and is involved in both cross-country running and track. As a result of Chad’s ordeal, we have learned a tremendous amount about ourselves – not only as a family but as individuals. As a father, I know my son better and am very proud of what he has accomplished for himself. Do I wish that he wouldn’t have had to go through this experience? Of course. Am I glad that the treatment program was there when we needed it? Absolutely! I can only hope that you have a similar successful experience if the need arises for your son or daughter.