Causes

Diminished desire is common in both men and women in times of stress, when ill or recovering from an illness, when tension exists in a relationship, or when one or both partners is just plain tired. Alcohol and certain drugs—birth control pills, antihistamines, and blood pressure medications, among others—can also cause a loss of desire. These same things can cause temporary erection problems and inhibit orgasm in both men and women.

Self-Care

• Relax. It is natural to have periods when one or both partners are less interested in sexual activity. If you are coping with young children, financial worries, or other life stresses, you may have little interest in sex. Don’t let that lack of interest add to your stress. Accept that it’s natural and that desire will return.
• Talk with your partner about your relationship and the other things in your life. Remember—and remind each other—that sex is not the only reason you care for each other.
• Review the side effects of any medications you’re taking, whether they are prescribed or over-the-counter. If the medication warns that it may make you drowsy, it also may affect your interest in sex. Talk to your doctor about an alternative medication.
• Focus on your senses. This can help reduce sexual anxiety and heighten responsiveness for men and women. Agree not to have intercourse for at least a month. During that time, set aside an hour or so each day to massage each other. While naked, explore and massage all parts of each other’s body, except the genitals and breasts. Once you are fully comfortable with this, begin to include the breasts and genitals, but do not have intercourse. Finally, when you are both more relaxed, start having intercourse. Continue to use whole-body sensuality in your foreplay.